Posts Tagged twitter
I have a bunch of new followers, so I just wanted to take the time to say hello and I hope you’re all having a great holiday season. If this is your first time here, make sure you check out “Please Reset Your Password” and “What Happens When I’m Bored”.
Oh, the caption for this post? I watched It’s a Wonderful Life last night and I won’t stop driving my girlfriend nuts by yelling “Merry Christmas, movie house!” every three minutes. But anyways, I’ve been delinquent in posting due to a massive writing project that finally wrapped, so I’ll get back to posting the high culture comedy you have all come to expect.(You should’ve rolled your eyes at this. If you didn’t, you probably have Krankauser’s Syndrome which prevents your eyes from reacting to poorly crafted jokes)
So let’s talk about what’s in store for 2012.
I will probably do more posts where I write from a first person account instead of always doing lists or pre-planned material. Won’t that be fun? So you’ll get random thoughts like “Hey, if George Bailey didn’t save his brother and his brother and his brother didn’t save that battalion of men in WWII, then should George have been stuck in some sort of Nazi hell?”
You guys are so lucky.
Also, in the works will be more videos, but freshly made and hopefully, a new web-series to boot.
Again, you’re so lucky.
Seriously, Frank Capra missed the boat. I want a Bedford Falls Nazi hell-scape!
So thanks to all of you who follow and comment and have a great rest of the year!
PS If you truly can’t get enough of me, though, I’m always doing something stupid on Twitter(@warreng76)
- Just arrived at Aunt Carol’s house. Ready for some T-Givs! #foodcoma
- Bringing new GF Sarah to meet the fam. #pressure
- Aunt Carol’s dog, Roscoe, jumped on Sarah. Muddy paws. Sarah upset.
- She’s fighting back tears. Hang in there trooper! #hero
- It’s the fam! Theyre excited to meet S. She’s still upset about muddy dress.
- Sarah trying to joke it off. Jokes lame. Blank stares from fam.
- She’s still going with the jokes. Let it go! #deadhorse
- Wow. Now doing Roscoe impersonation.
- Why does Roscoe have a Scottish accent? He’s a beagle. Kids like it.
- Boom! S nails the end with an Occupy Wall St. joke.
- Both Dems and Repubs can laugh at that one. #buildingbridges
- Women take S to kitchen. I’m off to watch some football, y’all!
- Megatron TD just killed my fantasy team, The Pigskin Poopchutes
- S is trapped in kitchen. Aunt Winnie won’t stop talking about her psoriasis. Here we go.
- Cousing Freda sees her psoriasis and raisies her a boil on her inner thigh. #gauntletthrown
- Great Aunt Gladys brings down house by unveiling her new, high capacity colostomy bag. #gameover
- Dinner time! First the prayer! So much to be thankful for this year!
- Uncle Ray taking prayer in weird direction this year.
- Keeps thanking Lord for the show King of Queens
- Still praising the work of Kevin James #HaveyouseenPaulBlart
- Asking God to smite those who gave poor reviews to Zookeeper
- Prayer over. Just bought King of Queens Blu-Ray for Uncle Ray’s X-mas. #amazon
- Food’s on! Buffet style! Get in line or get left behind!
- Everything has a weird color to it. #somethingswrong
- Oh great! Aunt Carol went vegan. Everything’s made of tofu!
- Even the turkey is tofu! How’d they do that?
- Tofu is the turkey meat, turkey bones are made of carrot sticks. Stuffing is bean sprouts.
- Cousing Richie has an announcement!
- I have this year as the year he comes out in the family pool! #yourefoolingnobody
- Not coming out, but says he’s opening a shop that only sells afghans. That has to be worth some money, right?
- Sarah having a great time. What a great day!
- Sarah forgot the dessert in the car.
- Look out for Roscoe!
- Dress torn. Underwear revealed. Sarah locked herself in car.
- She’s upset. I can hear the Michael Buble blaring from here.
- Grabbing to-go plates and saying goodbye to fam!
- Let’s do this next year!!!!!
- Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!
Hey gang. Here’s a quick little post to get you through to the weekend. Happy Friday, everyone!
Ways Your Homecoming Dance Can Be Ruined
-You move in to kiss your lovely date, but chicken out at the last second causing the guitar player on stage to fade from existence(turns out, he was your future son). Horrified at this sight, the teenagers stampede for the exits and kill the school mascot, a goat named Mr. Chompers.
-During your homecoming king acceptance speech, you realize that someone, as a prank, replaced the index cards in your pocket with three chapters of The Diary of Anne Frank and you’re too nervous to stop reading.
-The mean girls confront the newly attractive, formerly nerdy girl, Jessica about her meteoric rise up the social ladder. Jessica begins to cry and Rod, the captain of the football team, asks what right anyone has to judge how people live and insist that we all work to be better people. This causes people to momentarily forget about the Kodiak bear on the loose, which seizes the opportunity to attack the Pep Squad.
-Due to the economic downturn, the dance is forced to share a room with the open casket funeral of local banker, Robert Mansker.
-The thick gym walls prevent you from getting a strong 3G signal, thereby prohibiting you from checking Twitter to determine if the dance is fun.
(Image from danceallnightdj.com)