More Ways Your Life Can Get Worse

Happy Wednesday, everyone! Guess who’s run out of topic ideas? I have. So, it’s time for more ways things can get worse. I’m a big fan of sequels: The Dark Knight, Empire Strikes Back, Big Momma’s Hous……most sequels.

More Ways Your Life Can Get Worse

While viewing a solar eclipse, you cross paths with the one bird alive with the natural ability to precisely shit through a tiny hole in a paper plate.

After years of rebuilding your self-ego, you end up working in the same office with the girl in high school who nicknamed you “Pickle Tits”

You quit your job to pursue the life of an artist, but you find that you are only able to paint select scenes from the TV show “Caroline In the City” when everyone is actually crazy for “Suddenly Susan”.

Despite your best efforts at potty training, you just can’t get your daughter to understand the difference between the toilet and the aquarium.

Your tickle parties slowly turn into GOP fundraisers.

As your parole is denied and you head back to your cell, you realize that last night probably wasn’t the best time to jokingly tell the white supramicists “We can mouth kiss tomorrow!”

After a fall on your bicycle, you can’t help drinking your beer pinky out

While removing your belly button lint, you notice that you have removed a kidney

Just as you place the last brick into an inpenetrable super wall separating the U.S. and Mexico, you turn around to see the angry Rottweiler from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

As particle physicist, you spend two decades designing the world’s largest proton accelerator and just as you nervously throw on the power for its inaugural run, you see the janitor banging your wife on one of the thermocouples.

After getting home from a trip to the Apple Store and LensCrafters, respectively, you look down to discover that the iPad 2 you bought is actually a bowl of goulash. (FYI You hate goulash)

Just as you’re feeling good about yourself, somebody asks you a foreign policy question on Libya.


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  1. #1 by Stephanie Bennis on November 16, 2011 - 7:26 am

    I enjoyed reading these–very creative! I find humor to be one of the best ways to put into perspective how good we actually have it even on a “bad day.”

  2. #2 by brainforthought on November 16, 2011 - 7:34 am

    Thank you so much Stephanie. I agree. I’m in a little rut right now, so writing this stuff makes me feel better and look big picture.

    Thanks for reading!

  3. #3 by Lafemmeroar on November 16, 2011 - 10:29 am

    lol! especially the lint and kidney one. 🙂

    Life can be so ironic, disappointing and hilarious! Keep on laughing at the malfunction!

  4. #5 by alanschuyler on November 16, 2011 - 5:58 pm

    This was like a trip to the therapist ( a bad therapist) but free!

  5. #7 by iheardtell on November 16, 2011 - 7:54 pm

    These are awesome! Love the Ferris Bueller reference.

    • #8 by brainforthought on November 16, 2011 - 10:16 pm

      Thank you so much. That one made me giggle as I wrote it.

  6. #9 by jimmiesworld on November 17, 2011 - 7:41 am

    I’ve never been to a tickle party before . . . .

  7. #11 by Jason on November 17, 2011 - 9:14 am

    You heard about that janitor and my wife? I will forever hate science!

    • #12 by brainforthought on November 17, 2011 - 3:23 pm

      Don’t blame the SCIENCE!!!! Blame the horny janitor. He’s irresistable.

  8. #13 by Team Oyeniyi on November 17, 2011 - 1:53 pm

    You are definitely strange – good strange, but strange!

    • #14 by brainforthought on November 17, 2011 - 3:23 pm

      For me, that is the highest compliment. Thanks for checking it out. Glad you enjoyed it.

  9. #15 by Mirth in a Box (@MirthinaBox) on November 18, 2011 - 12:38 pm

    Finely crafted and very insightful!

  10. #16 by Gay Gasser on November 18, 2011 - 12:42 pm

    Master wordsmith! Great job!

  11. #17 by Adrienne schmadrienne on November 22, 2011 - 10:11 am

    Tickle parites turn into GOP fundraisers….that’s amazing!

  12. #18 by Aurora, HSP on November 25, 2011 - 2:18 am

    Awesome humour, wit sublime 🙂

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