So, I was sitting at home on a day off, and found myself a little bored. I turned on my PlayStation 3 and opened Playstation Home when I actually intended to open Playstation Store. For those of you who don’t know, PS Home is a social networking platform where you select an avatar and a username and you can interact with other people’s avatars by chatting, playing games, etc.
One feature of PS Home is that you determine every feature of your avatar: sex, clothing, hair color, and so on. I decided to make my avatar a hot, blonde lady who is dressed to go for a jog. Once you create your character, you go to a common area that is between a bunch of buildings and in the middle of this area, is a fountain with lounge chairs and benches.
Upon entering the common area, I noticed that the ratio of male to female avatars was about ten to one, with all of them dressed like they’re on their way to a Godsmack concert. Within one minute of entering, I found myself circled by about eight of these characters while I’m trying to launch a zombie survival trivia quiz. During the quiz, a little chat window kept popping up with things like “U look HOT!!!!”, and “Dmn, I want to touch UR bobs”. Bobs not boobs. Nobody disrespects me, much less my bobs.
So I exit the quiz and decide to chat with one of the nice young men named Brazxxx1254. I would like to think that he is a devout Catholic and the 1254 is his tribute to the year that Pope Alexander IV succeeded Pope Innocent the IV, but I ‘m sure it’s just another sexual hand position which I am not privy to. Here’s a transcript of our exchange:
Brazxxx1254: Look at U grl!
Me: Thanks. He he he.
Brazxxx1254: How old R U?
Me: 23. U?
Me: Where U from?
Me: Me 2! Where?
Me: Me 2!
Brazxxx1254: You should come to my house.
Me: I don’t know.
Brazxxx1254: I’ll treat you good.
Me: He he he. I think you should visit me.
Brazxxx1254: I can do that.
Me: You’ll have to come between 6 and 8.
Brazxxx1254: Why? Boyfriend?
Me: No. Those are visiting hours.
Me: Hospital visiting hours.
There’s a couple of minutes of silence
Brazxxx1254: What’s wrong with you?
Brazxxx1254: Y are you in the hospital?
Brazxxx1254: Work there?
Me: No. I meant there’s nothing wrong with me as a person.
Me: But I have a shattered pelvis.
Me: That’s probably what you meant.
Brazxxx1254: OMG! Are you ok?
Me: Keeping my chin up.
Brazxxx1254: How did it happen?
Me: Drunk driving accident.
Brazxxx1254: That sucks. I hpe that guy burns in h@ll.
Brazxxx1254: The drunk driver.
Me: I was the drunk driver.
Me: Don’t H8.
A couple of minutes of silence
Me: You sound cute.
Brazxxx1254: I gotta go.
Me: Why? The drunk driving thing?
Me: That’s just great. I’m trying to rebuild my life.
Me: It seemed like we had something between us.
Brazxxx1254: Sorry, but you should go to jail.
Me: I am in jail. On the inside.
Me: But no, I probably will go to jail.
Me: Listen. I logged on to escape the pain.
Brazxxx1254: Sorry. Leave me alone.
Me: Great. Thanks for cutting my heart in two.
Me: In two! Just like I cut that Dodge Caravan with my Ford Taurus.
Me: I still can’t believe my old piece of sh@t got up to 120!!!
Brazxxx1254: Please stop.
Me: Ok. I’ll stop. But if you want to visit me, just ask the front desk for the drunk driver.
Me: They’ll know who UR talking about.
Brazxxx1254 has logged off.
Powdogg54: You rockn that body!
Me: He he he.