What Happens When I’m Bored.

So, I was sitting at home on a day off, and found myself a little bored. I turned on my PlayStation 3 and opened Playstation Home when I actually intended to open Playstation Store. For those of you who don’t know, PS Home is a social networking platform where you select an avatar and a username and you can interact with other people’s avatars by chatting, playing games, etc.

One feature of PS Home is that you determine every feature of your avatar: sex, clothing, hair color, and so on. I decided to make my avatar a hot, blonde lady who is dressed to go for a jog. Once you create your character, you go to a common area that is between a bunch of buildings and in the middle of this area, is a fountain with lounge chairs and benches.

Upon entering the common area, I noticed that the ratio of male to female avatars was about ten to one, with all of them dressed like they’re on their way to a Godsmack concert. Within one minute of entering, I found myself circled by about eight of these characters while I’m trying to launch a zombie survival trivia quiz. During the quiz, a little chat window kept popping up with things like “U look HOT!!!!”, and “Dmn, I want to touch UR bobs”. Bobs not boobs. Nobody disrespects me, much less my bobs.

So I exit the quiz and decide to chat with one of the nice young men named Brazxxx1254. I would like to think that he is a devout Catholic and the 1254 is his tribute to the year that Pope Alexander IV succeeded Pope Innocent the IV, but I ‘m sure it’s just another sexual hand position which I am not privy to. Here’s a transcript of our exchange:

Brazxxx1254: Look at U grl!

Me: Thanks. He he he.

Brazxxx1254: How old R U?

Me: 23. U?

Brazxxx1254: 19

Me: Where U from?

Brazxxx1254: Texas

Me: Me 2! Where?

Brazxxx1254: Austin

Me: Me 2!

Brazxxx1254: You should come to my house.

Me: I don’t know.

Brazxxx1254: I’ll treat you good.

Me: He he he. I think you should visit me.

Brazxxx1254: I can do that.

Me: You’ll have to come between 6 and 8.

Brazxxx1254: Why? Boyfriend?

Me: No. Those are visiting hours.

Brazxxx1254: WTF?

Me: Hospital visiting hours.

There’s a couple of minutes of silence

Me: Hello?

Brazxxx1254: What’s wrong with you?

Me: Nothing.

Brazxxx1254: Y are you in the hospital?

Brazxxx1254: Work there?

Me: No. I meant there’s nothing wrong with me as a person.

Me: But I have a shattered pelvis.

Me: That’s probably what you meant.

Brazxxx1254: OMG! Are you ok?

Me: Keeping my chin up.

Brazxxx1254: How did it happen?

Me: Drunk driving accident.

Brazxxx1254: That sucks. I hpe that guy burns in h@ll.

Me: Who?

Brazxxx1254: The drunk driver.

Me: I was the drunk driver.

Me: Don’t H8.

A couple of minutes of silence

Me: You sound cute.

Brazxxx1254: I gotta go.

Me: Why? The drunk driving thing?

Brazxxx1254: Yes

Me: That’s just great. I’m trying to rebuild my life.

Me: It seemed like we had something between us.

Brazxxx1254: Sorry, but you should go to jail.

Me: I am in jail. On the inside.

Me: But no, I probably will go to jail.

Brazxxx1254: Later.

Me: Listen. I logged on to escape the pain.

Brazxxx1254: Sorry. Leave me alone.

Me: Great. Thanks for cutting my heart in two.

Brazxxx1254: Peace.

Me: In two! Just like I cut that Dodge Caravan with my Ford Taurus.

Silence

Me: I still can’t believe my old piece of sh@t got up to 120!!!

Brazxxx1254: Please stop.

Me: Ok. I’ll stop. But if you want to visit me, just ask the front desk for the drunk driver.

Me: They’ll know who UR talking about.

Brazxxx1254 has logged off.

Powdogg54: You rockn that body!

Me: He he he.

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  1. #1 by becomingcliche on August 30, 2011 - 2:16 pm

    That.was.awesome!

  2. #4 by brainforthought on August 30, 2011 - 3:35 pm

    Wow, that is awesome of you becomingcliche. Thanks for the share, and I’ll keep bothering young people as part of my blog.

  3. #5 by alanschuyler on August 30, 2011 - 5:53 pm

    You are my new hero! It reminds me of my very straightlaced father in law. When he answers the phone and it’s a phone solicitor who asks for him by name he always says, “He’s not in right now.” Of course the solicitor asks when he’ll be back. Dad answers very seriously, ” We hope in about 5 years with good behavior.” That always quickly ends the call.

    • #6 by brainforthought on August 30, 2011 - 7:57 pm

      I’m sure they don’t call back after that. Thanks for the comment Alan.

  4. #7 by Jason on August 30, 2011 - 9:59 pm

    I like to get on the headset and really mess with people. I play the role of a little kid and talk in a super high, squeaky voice. I call out for my mom a lot and pretend I’m telling on all the kids that are making fun of me. Hours of fun.

  5. #8 by plustenner on August 31, 2011 - 4:15 pm

    brilliant! love it 🙂

  6. #9 by Maxim on August 31, 2011 - 7:56 pm

    Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.

  7. #10 by amystartstorun on September 3, 2011 - 12:26 am

    I agree with Braz.

  8. #12 by Cornelius on September 3, 2011 - 9:55 am

    Do you have a e-mail or some way I can get in contact with you privately?

    Or you can send me a quick e-mail to cornelius.wilson[@]funny[DOT]com.

    Of course remove the “[ ]” and change “DOT” to a “.”

    Thanks and look forward to hearing from you.

  9. #14 by raspberry91 on September 5, 2011 - 8:07 pm

    I’ve had to share this too! One of the best blogs I’ve read!

    • #15 by brainforthought on September 6, 2011 - 11:25 am

      Thank you so much, raspberry. I’m glad you like it.

      Warren

  10. #16 by Lace on September 12, 2011 - 5:05 pm

    Hahaha! I am gonna need to subscribe. We share a brain I swear. Thanks for the laugh, again! =)

    • #17 by brainforthought on September 12, 2011 - 5:13 pm

      No problem. Thanks for the subscribe. I will try to keep doing silly things to write about.

  11. #18 by Phil on September 12, 2011 - 10:41 pm

    Look at U! You rockn that post!

    Thanks for making me laugh my ass off. Hope it didn’t go too far.

  12. #19 by Lafemmeroar on September 21, 2011 - 8:12 pm

    Hilarious. You’re dangerous …

  13. #20 by georgefloreswrite on September 21, 2011 - 8:49 pm

    This one really cracked me up. The parts that really made me laugh were when you wrote the “he he hes”. I don’t know why. Followed!

  14. #21 by ebbtide on October 19, 2011 - 12:41 pm

    Frikkin hilarious!!!! Love it!

  15. #22 by Zoe @ Pantry and Fridge on October 26, 2011 - 2:03 pm

    Oh my Jesus. It’s a shame it only shows up one when you click the like button!!! I clicked it several times. 🙂
    I love this. Great way to start my day!
    Thanks, Warren. You sick bastard.

  16. #23 by Rae on December 21, 2011 - 4:53 pm

    That was pretty funny!

    In college I used to play Starcraft online and I had to pretend to be a boy because if I didn’t the guys either wouldn’t want to play with me because I was a girl and “didn’t know what I was doing” or they wanted to play with me but really just hit on me the whole time.

    • #24 by brainforthought on December 21, 2011 - 5:02 pm

      I was amazed at the way people acted on there. Guys are jerks. Wait a minute. Yeah, we’re jerks.

      Thanks for stopping by Rae!

  17. #25 by Pete Howorth on December 21, 2011 - 6:33 pm

    Hahahahahahahahahahaha…

    Oh…

    …Ahhhhahahahahaha!

    Nice work, taking care of the idiots! One of my friends used to do online dating, I registered as a woman and used some photo of a girl I used to go to school with, started chatting with him, set up a date with him, told him to buy me some flowers, meeting me at the local pub we drink at at 12pm sharp!

    Me and my brother then went to the pub at 4pm, he was still sat there with a bunch of flowers in hand and dressed in a suit, oops.

    • #26 by brainforthought on December 22, 2011 - 7:43 am

      Oh man, that’s mean.

      • #27 by Pete Howorth on December 23, 2011 - 5:38 am

        It was, he did trade the flowers in to the barmaid for a pint of beer though so he won in the end 😀

  18. #28 by A Life Less Boring on December 21, 2011 - 10:50 pm

    That was epic… great stuff!

    • #29 by brainforthought on December 22, 2011 - 7:44 am

      Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for stopping by.

  19. #30 by Eagerbrad on December 23, 2011 - 12:54 am

    Brilliant, brilliant post! Serves those weirdos right!

    • #31 by brainforthought on December 23, 2011 - 8:29 am

      Glad you enjoyed it. And thanks for the follow!

      Warren

  20. #32 by Sandra Parsons on December 23, 2011 - 10:28 am

    No wonder there aren’t more females around these chatrooms. Men can be so creepy! But I say you handled this one well. If you ever handled that is. In which case you have a brilliant imagination, and I have now subscribed to more from this brain. Happy Christmas!

    • #33 by brainforthought on December 23, 2011 - 10:31 am

      Unfortunately, this is the way it went down. It’s been streamlined for reading purposes, but it’s true.

      Thanks for the follow Sandra!

  21. #34 by schwarzmus on December 23, 2011 - 12:30 pm

    Haha, brilliant! I play WoW (major nerd alert), and I just tell everyone that I’m a dude. Some guys act really stupid when they realize there’s a girl playing video games.

    • #35 by brainforthought on December 23, 2011 - 12:34 pm

      I was amazed at how fast I was mobbed. The whole time I couldn’t help but think, “this is a cartoon girl, you dipshits”

      Glad you liked it and thanks for stopping by, schwarzmus!

  22. #36 by eideard on December 23, 2011 - 2:10 pm

    Claim to be 13 and you’ll get all the 40-year-olds claiming to be 15. Har.

  23. #37 by alexandraczarina on December 28, 2011 - 1:43 am

    I did this too, but on Omegle. I’m pretending to be a dead girl named Justin Bieber and type lyrics of his songs.

  24. #39 by peytonsmythe on January 17, 2012 - 11:05 pm

    Haha. “Please stop.” He probably went and wrote a blog about that.

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