My Cabin Retreat

From the summer journal of Steven Tobbler:

Day One: June 3, 2009

So this is my first entry of my summer blog. I’ve decided to rent a cabin in North Carolina on Lake Washbaugh and get caught up on my reading and perhaps start a garden. I just want to get away from the hustle and bustle of Charlotte and relax a little. I’m just really excited to see what this summer has in store for me.

PS As I write this, it appears that I have already made a little forest friend. A grey squirrel has been curously watching me type the whole time. He’s so cute!

Day Two: June 4, 2009

Made a trip to Margaret’s Greenhouse, a quaint, local business, and picked up some green pepper, better boy tomato and yellow squash plants. I managed to get them planted before sunset, and boy am I tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night since it sounded like something was running back and forth on the roof all night. When I was finally able to fall asleep, something was making an annoying scream or bark. Maybe the squirrel? Anyways, I was going to watch a movie tonight, but I think I’ll just go to bed early and catch up on my sleep.

Day Three: June 5, 2009

DISASTER!!!! Something pulled all of my plants out of the ground last night. The garden is destroyed. I don’t know what specific animal tracks look like, but there are tiny footprints around everywhere. Looks like a rat or something. Guess I’ll drive back to the greenhouse and get some new plants and maybe some fence material.

UPDATED: This day just gets worse. When I went out to my car, I noticed I had two flat tires. I can’t tell what caused it. The holes look very odd and there’s no metal pieces, etc. around to explain the puncture. Needless to say, I was very upset. It also didn’t help anything that the cute little squirrel was hurling acorns down from the trees. He’s not as cute as I once thought.

Day Four: June 6, 2009

The squirrel is EVIL!!!!  After I managed to get someone from a local tire shop to drive up here and fix my tires($200, I might add), I was able to drive into town and get garden supplies. Most notably, fifty yards of wire fence and a pellet gun. When I returned home, the cabin was completely ransacked. The sofa cushions look like something has burrowed through them, all the dishes have been thrown to the floor and broken, and my bed is covered in squirrel feces.

This rodent is going down.

Day Five:  June 7, 2009

I stayed up all night cleaning the cabin and making it habitable once again. Rather than sleep, I have chosen to stalk the bushy-tailed monster. I hid behind the azalea bushes with my pellet gun for three hours, but no sign of my prey. Upon returning inside the cabin, I realized that I made a mistake by leaving my home unguarded. My bed is full of feces once again. I know now what I must do. While in town, I noticed a local man with a trained falcon in the park. I shall see if I can procure his services.

Day Six: June 8, 2009

The falcon is dead. His body was splayed across the windshield of my Volvo this morning. I don’t know the whereabouts of the falconeer. I’m trying to track down his family. I’m so scared.

Day Seven: June 9, 2009

I don’t know what to do. This squirrel is a literal monster, but I paid a lot of money to stay here, so I can’t let him drive me out. He was sitting outside my bedroom window this morning and I screamed at him. “You won’t get rid of me!”over and over until my throat was raw and I broke down in tears. I swear he was grinning the whole time.

Day Thirty-Five:  July 7, 2009

Hello everyone. If you’re wondering why the blog suddenly went silent for almost a month, it’s because today is my first day out of jail. I was arrested on June 9 for alledgedly threatening my ex-wife’s new family. I was shocked beyond belief since I have been on good terms with Arianna since our split in 2004 and I golf with her new husband, Ron, from time to time. The reason I was arrested was because of this letter:

Luckily, there was no proof that I sent it and after a lot of painful discussions and a restraining order prohibiting me from returning to Virginia, I was set free. However, the envelope was said to contain a large amount of what appeared to be squirrel hair and looked as though it had been chewed on regularly.

This has all been too much and I have decided to pack up and leave the cabin before the squirrel has a chance to completely destroy my life. If I pack quickly, I should be able to leave within the next couple of hours and make my way to Alabama to stay with my brother Rick. Good riddance to this place! See you tomorrow Rick!

Day Thry Sixx:  Junely .8, 009

I like here. Stay here. Rick man, sorry. I won’t love me visiting. I rejct society. Don’t look fore me, EVER!!!

– Cabin Man

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  1. #1 by Brown Road Chronicles on June 27, 2011 - 5:44 pm

    Great post! Those damn squirrels can be tough nuts to crack!!

  2. #2 by Lafemmeroar on June 27, 2011 - 11:56 pm

    At least you had a good reason for not blogging in 09–jail.

  3. #3 by oldancestor on June 28, 2011 - 9:53 pm

    That squirrel used to live at my grandmother’s house. He moved when the neighborhood went downhill.

  4. #4 by Jason on July 10, 2011 - 12:11 am

    haha You should save this journal for evidence. Steven Tobbler may need to be stopped in future.

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