Signs That Warren Arnold Has Been Unemployed Too Long

(This is also a guest post over at liveinboyfriend.wordpress.com)

I have been out of work since the end of March after I relocated to Chicago from St. Louis in order to move in with my girlfriend Jenny Sherman. While, I’m looking for work, it’s not been easy. Here are some signs that I have been unemployed too long:

– As of June 14, I have authored fourteen volumes of Charmed fan fiction.(Next up: Vol 15, Phoebe goes bikini shopping).

– Google now flashes the message “I’m tired Warren. Read a book.”

– My tears have ruined the carpet.

– I’m attempting to broker peace between a family of Golden Warblers and the local squirrels(Update: Talks have broken down. I’m heading for the panic room, aka the bathroom).

– I am now aware that there is a fifth hour of the Today show, but it’s hosted by a couple of old guys who drink a lot.

– I built a robot out of a coffee grinder, a wet-dry vac, and the Nintendo Wii. His name is Tyler and we’re friends.

-I’ve discovered the hidden, magical universe called the neighbor’s trash cans.

-I gave myself a performance review and promoted myself to Chief Testicular Office and Supervisor of the Mott’s Applesauce.

– It’s only a matter of days before the mommy’s group I joined discover that I’m not a former manager of Forever 21 named Lisa and my six-month old boy is a dead chihuahua.

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  1. #1 by Byron MacLymont on June 14, 2011 - 11:23 am

    Wow, sounds like you’re waaayy too busy to have a job. That fan fiction doesn’t write itself, you know!

    Good post!

    • #2 by brainforthought on June 14, 2011 - 3:49 pm

      I does keep me busy. Now if I could just get paid for it. Thanks for the visit, Byron!

      -Warren

  2. #3 by 108powwow on June 14, 2011 - 3:42 pm

    thanks for visiting my blog. keep blogging your passions, something may come out of it 🙂 good luck with the job situation.

    Raj @ 108powwows, san francisco

  3. #5 by Mike on June 14, 2011 - 8:20 pm

    Hang in there. But if you start wishing you had a squirrel’s life, please call and I’ll talk you back to reality….. My experience tells me that after “squirrel” comes “Cubs fan” and that won’t end well for you or anyone who knows you.

    • #6 by brainforthought on June 19, 2011 - 8:56 pm

      I have a cyanide pill in a small silver box if the day ever comes that I find myself cheering the Cubs, even if for a second.

  4. #7 by B. McGee on June 15, 2011 - 12:00 am

    Fun site…and thanks for visiting my page as well, much appreciated.

  5. #9 by Shellie Sakai on June 15, 2011 - 1:05 pm

    I agree. That fan fiction won’t write itself and then what will I read? So sorry that the peace talk has broken down, maybe move it to the situation room (aka kitchen) for treats. Everything looks better after some chips-ahoy cookies and milk.

    Thanks for the laugh and the visit to my page. 😀

  6. #10 by magsx2 on June 17, 2011 - 2:18 pm

    Hi,
    I wish you all the best in finding a job, loved your post, and Thank You for the visit over at my blog.

  7. #11 by Jason on June 19, 2011 - 3:40 am

    Personally, it’s been my lifelong belief that employment is highly overrated. Of course, I’ve lived in a garbage dumpster most of my life. So what the hell would I know?

    🙂 Glad I found your blog.

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