(This is also a guest post over at liveinboyfriend.wordpress.com)
I have been out of work since the end of March after I relocated to Chicago from St. Louis in order to move in with my girlfriend Jenny Sherman. While, I’m looking for work, it’s not been easy. Here are some signs that I have been unemployed too long:
– As of June 14, I have authored fourteen volumes of Charmed fan fiction.(Next up: Vol 15, Phoebe goes bikini shopping).
– Google now flashes the message “I’m tired Warren. Read a book.”
– My tears have ruined the carpet.
– I’m attempting to broker peace between a family of Golden Warblers and the local squirrels(Update: Talks have broken down. I’m heading for the panic room, aka the bathroom).
– I am now aware that there is a fifth hour of the Today show, but it’s hosted by a couple of old guys who drink a lot.
– I built a robot out of a coffee grinder, a wet-dry vac, and the Nintendo Wii. His name is Tyler and we’re friends.
-I’ve discovered the hidden, magical universe called the neighbor’s trash cans.
-I gave myself a performance review and promoted myself to Chief Testicular Office and Supervisor of the Mott’s Applesauce.
– It’s only a matter of days before the mommy’s group I joined discover that I’m not a former manager of Forever 21 named Lisa and my six-month old boy is a dead chihuahua.