Let me just start by saying that X-men was a very enjoyable movie. It was way better than X3 or Wolverine and I preferred it to Thor(by no means meaning Thor was bad). The movie had a lot of fun in a different age of comic books, but made it click with modern audiences. That being said, there are some things I would have liked to have seen in Matthew Vaughn’s fine film:
– A 45 second apologetic walk on from everyone involved in X-Men Origins Wolverine, where they would allow a small group of baboons to abuse their genitals while they sang “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks.
– When Professor X is helping everyone adapt to their fledgling powers, he suggests Rose Byrne practice her form on the Slip N Slide in a bikini. This would be 20% of the movie.
– Dan Aykroyd as Uncle Roman. He would shoot Beast in the butt with a shotgun, leaving his butt bald and giving him something to develop another formula for. This sets up a sequel nicely.
– A few name drops of the title. For instance:
Professor X: We have to stop Sebastian Shaw!
Angel: That’s why they call us X-men, First Class!
Professor X: What? Who are you? You have insect wings and you call yourself Angel? More like Cicada Lady. And you’re a stripper? I guess your mutant power is the $10 lap dance. Somebody make sure to wipe the gonorrhea off the couch after she gets up.
Banshee: But professor….
Professor X: I said do it, gingerbread!!!
– A clip of Sarah Palin to find out if she thinks this is how the Cuban Missle Crisis occurred. FYI She does.