Job Interview

Right now, I’m on a break from working after moving to Chicago, but I’ve started looking to get back into the chemical science world. So I have the dreaded job interviews coming soon. Here are some bad interview questions and some equally bad answers:

Q: What would you say is your worst attribute?

Bad Answer 1: I’m easily distracted……by a floating, disembodied Hitler head.

Bad Answer 2: Sometimes the tunnels I build to smuggle out office supplies using an underground network tend to be a little cramped and hastily built. How’s your dental plan?

Bad Answer 3: Diabetes.

Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Bad Answer 1: We’ll see what the jury says first.

Bad Answer 2: If I had future powers, I wouldn’t be talking to a fat hump like you. How’s the dental plan? I don’t like repeating myself.

Q: How would you deal with a difficult co-worker?

Bad Answer 1: I would try to walk a mile in their shoes….after I had beaten them to death in a field a mile outside town and walked home in that person’s shoes. And the cops will think they’re tracking them and that they’re still alive. But they’re not. It’s just me in their shoes.

Bad Answer 2: I would punch him in the mouth and try to break one of his bicuspids. Is that a problem? I don’t know because I still don’t have a good sense of your DENTAL PLAN!

Bad Answer 3: Are Mogwais real? If so, I would get him one of those. Those were a real headache in that movie. Was it Thelma and Louise? Yeah, that was it.

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