Archive for April, 2011
I’m sure there have been many late night, pot-induced, dorm room discussions around this topic, but here’s my take on what occurred when a certain Mr. Marty McFly hit 88mph in his magic DeLorean. First, let’s recap:
1) In 1985, Marty McFly lived in Hill Valley, CA, which has seen better days. His mother, Lorraine, has a drinking problem, and his dad is tormented by his supervisor, Biff Tannen.
2) With the help of Doc Brown, Marty travels back in time to November 5, 1955, where he accidentally gives his dad confidence, causing his parents to live happily ever after. He also allows the coming celebrity of Chuck Berry and bathrooms were never safe again.
3) Marty returns to 1985 to find that his family is as happy as can be, his dad is a successful author and that Biff is now the spineless one. Marty has a new truck and the Doc has adapted the DeLorean to fly.
But…..Marty obviously didn’t return “home”, but that doesn’t mean his old home stopped existing. They kind of touched on this in the second one, but they kept it at one offshoot from the timeline. Marty’s original trip, though, should’ve caused multiple branches to occur and here’s why:
1) Marty returned to 1985 not knowing how things have changed. He was raised by entirely different parents, and if they ceased to be, then Marty’s memories shouldn’t exist.
2) The family talks about Marty’s life before he returned from 1955. That’s another Marty with another set of memories and a different upbringing. If this second Marty never travelled back in time, maybe there’s a metaphysical merging of their memories, much in the style of Quantum Leap.
3) But when Marty arrives in 1985, he sees another Marty flee to 1955(presumably. Why throw another variable in?). So another Marty travels back in time and either a) changes what he perceives as problems in the past, or b) changes nothing, or c) changes things back to the way they were
If (a) occurs, then another version(a third) of 1985 is awaiting the second Marty when he returns. If the third Marty travels back in time to flee the Libyans, which were present in the second 1985, then this will create a 4th, 5th, 6th, etc., 1985 until a Marty stops traveling back in time. All of these realities continue to exist due to what I stated in (1)
If (b) occurs, no new 1985’s appear, and the number of Earths stop at 2. In the first 1985, Marty has gone missing and is presumed dead.
If (c) occurs, a cycle is created around the two 1985’s which support each other’s creation, and Jennifer keeps changing from Claudia Wells to Elizabeth Shue.
This is nuts. Linked is an article about how scientists are working to take genetic information from three parents and create an embryo from it. I predict that this will prompt a futuristic update on “My Two Dads”.
Got your email regarding the anniversary of the “spill” in the Gulf and what we positives we can distribute through a press release. Here are just some ideas:
1) We gave a lot of hippies a break from looking for jobs that pay for a philosophy degree. Now they have vital duck cleaning skills. LOL
2) This one’s serious: Invite Martha Stewart’s show down to Mobile for a week and have her invent a dessert called “Tar Balls”. Enough sugar and Southerners will eat it. Or black saltwater taffy.
3) Let’s try to be the lesser evil. Have a gang of animals(otters, pelicans, dolphins, etc) in front of a cracked nuclear reactor with the caption “You can’t scrub off thyroid cancer”
4) How about brutal honesty? We need to defend our offshore drilling, so we could have a commercial with the dad from That 70’s show saying “You want $4 dollar gas? No? Then screw Pensacola! It’s just two Holiday Inns and a Perkins anyways.”
5) Do nothing. People forget really fast.
Want to go to Perkins tonight?
Right now, I’m on a break from working after moving to Chicago, but I’ve started looking to get back into the chemical science world. So I have the dreaded job interviews coming soon. Here are some bad interview questions and some equally bad answers:
Q: What would you say is your worst attribute?
Bad Answer 1: I’m easily distracted……by a floating, disembodied Hitler head.
Bad Answer 2: Sometimes the tunnels I build to smuggle out office supplies using an underground network tend to be a little cramped and hastily built. How’s your dental plan?
Bad Answer 3: Diabetes.
Q: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Bad Answer 1: We’ll see what the jury says first.
Bad Answer 2: If I had future powers, I wouldn’t be talking to a fat hump like you. How’s the dental plan? I don’t like repeating myself.
Q: How would you deal with a difficult co-worker?
Bad Answer 1: I would try to walk a mile in their shoes….after I had beaten them to death in a field a mile outside town and walked home in that person’s shoes. And the cops will think they’re tracking them and that they’re still alive. But they’re not. It’s just me in their shoes.
Bad Answer 2: I would punch him in the mouth and try to break one of his bicuspids. Is that a problem? I don’t know because I still don’t have a good sense of your DENTAL PLAN!
Bad Answer 3: Are Mogwais real? If so, I would get him one of those. Those were a real headache in that movie. Was it Thelma and Louise? Yeah, that was it.